I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
