I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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