He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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