ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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