We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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