I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
