I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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