Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
