I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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