i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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