So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
