I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
