great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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