I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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