Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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