drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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