For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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