I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
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My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize