He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
