Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
