I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
