Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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