Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
