im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
