Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
