I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
