omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
