I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
