My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
