You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
