My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
