I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
