She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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