If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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