I will die if light touches me.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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