And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
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