I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
