there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
