You just made me feel so damn special
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
