we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I party with great urgency now.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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