Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
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