wakey wakey hands off snakey
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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