Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
