i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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