Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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