i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
