she was so not down for the gang bang
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.