your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
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Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
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As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands