If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting