she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Dating After Heartbreak
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.