someone threw a dead crab at me
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
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