Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Randomize
