You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
so that wasnt chicken after all
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
