It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
