so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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