I'm lost and stupid without you.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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