All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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