His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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