you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
