I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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