i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
