I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
