What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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