There was a lot of him and a little penis
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
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look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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