I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
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