You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
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