matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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