He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
