Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
