i jhust puked up my retainher.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
