Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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