I cockslap morals
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
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Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
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he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
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