i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
